The worst thing about me...!!

I would say the worst thing about me is my temper . I can keep it under wraps for a time, but then when it blows, it really BLOWS. I can go from being annoyed (say about a 3 in a scale of 10) to completely raging (a 10) in a matter of a few seconds when someone says something that really bothers me or hurts me..something that makes me explode.

I have known this about myself ever since it occurred to me to examine myself critically and yet, knowing ain't even 50% of the problem for me..it is barely like a 10% of the problem, because "knowing" hasn't done anything to get it fixed...although I wish it had.

Anger is such a powerful force in my life. I love the strength it gives me, because I would just rather be angry than hurt…crying feels like such weakness to me and even worst if people knows or realize that you've been crying. I guess somewhere along the way, life taught me that it wasn't okay to be weak or vulnerable because you give people the chance to take advantage of it and hurt you.

I am learning a couple of (not so) new things about me:

1) I have the tendency to sabotage good things
2) I seriously have a problem showing my feelings

I kind knew them both before… but you know how sometimes you can push something back into the corner of your mind so you don't have to REALLY know it's there, even if you suspect it? It's kind of like when the wife suspects her husband is being unfaithful to her, and still never asks the man if he is cheating on her because she is too afraid to confirm her fears? I think that's the tendency of human nature.

I have sabotaged every little good thing I've had. I always try to find the bad side of it and when I do, I start behaving badly in order to get someone to leave or something to end. Obviously, I tend to regret them later on, because of this tragical feeling: fear of loneliness.

It's embarassing to admit that. Really it is, and this thing has got to change... but how? I just don't really know...

I see things going in a direction that isn't leading somewhere I want to be and yet, I know I'm not capable enough to change that about myself.

Good Charlotte in El Salvador (May 31st)

Ok, let's begin by saying that when I heard they were coming I said to myelf "YOU HAVE TO GO" and I did, and this is how it all began:

It was May 31st, 8:30 pm.. I had to go to pick up a friend that was going to the concert too, so I went to pick her up and when we arrived I had a lot of trouble looking for a parking space!!! When I finally found one, I turned my head and saw this HUGE line of people waiting to get inside the International Convention Center...it was FULL OF PEOPLE but when I say FULL it is like.. A LOT, lol it took us a little more than an hour to get inside de convention center, when we finally were inside (around 10:00 pm) it was so damn crowded, but that was a good thing tho' except for the fact that they had taken all of the seats and we had to be standing up for like another hour lol but it doesn't matter..it was worth it !!!! and then we finally found 2 seats so everything was ok.

At 10:30 there was a band playing a tribute to U2, at 11:15 there was a samba team and some girls were dancing .. and finally at 11:45 pm... GOOD CHARLOTTE!!!!!!
What I first heard was "Buenas Noches El Salvador!" which means "Good Night El Salvador" and when I heard those words OMG I felt chills up and down my spine!!! I wanted to jump out of my seat !!

They opened the show with "The River"... and it was just amazing!! the whole show was full with energy..it was AWESOME!! I had a BLAST !! Gosh I just can't describe how it was. In fact I cried when they played "Hold On", it is such a meaninful song to me!

More than 8,000 people were in the International Convention Center, everybody sang their lungs out the whole night, it was amazing!!! It was just incredible! I can't describe it, it was just! Arrgh!

After nearly 2 hours of playing their hits and some new songs from their new album, Benji and Joel performed an acoustic version of "WE BELIEVE", it was beautiful!! cuz it's a great song!! then, they promised to come back, and they said good-bye with their first hit 2002's LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND THE FAMOUS!

I just want to say THANK YOU to Benji, Joel, Billy, Deano and Paul for that amazing show they gave us, I have no words to describe what I felt !! The show was over at almost 2 am.. I was just ecstatic, I couldn't believe I saw them play!! I'll never forget that night because of you!!
We love you guys, and we hope to see you again soon!!

P.D: I will be posting soon pictures taken when they arrived to the National Airport =)